i was checking lab results in the Naturopathic doctor’s office that i recently landed a job at and came across “Lost and Found Results.” i was amused by the URL which should have said “/lost-and-found” reads instead, “/ambiguous-results.html” – i laughed – how fitting a title for my housing dilemma.

for the past several months i have been trying to blindly find my through endless media, legal counsel and hearsay to making educated, informed decisions about my mortgage crisis. the only things that are clear is that NO ONE really knows the answers and clearly i am too far behind to catch up; clearly i have exhausted all of my resources; clearly i am frustrated and angry at being a smart, knowledgeable woman who cannot make heads nor tails of this national disaster because she’s too embroiled in the “process”.

i’m tired. the stress levels i am living with make me not even want to go home at the end of the day.  my house, once my sanctuary and safe haven, is now equal to the Catholic’s idea of  Purgatory. i am in Dr. Seuss’ dreaded “Waiting Place” where i’m waiting “Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring” waiting for a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’

i am getting desperate. i have been sick and out of work the past 2 days because my immune system got trampled by the bureaucratic modification system. i’m either up late reading everything i can on the housing crisis or i’m trying to get all of my paperwork in order in case i qualify for modification or i’m crying my heart out at the sheer exhaustion it is taking trying to get out from under this domino landslide.   or, like right now,  i’m blogging to try to lay it all down so i can grasp at the slightest possibility to sleep restfully.

i’m SO desperate and tired and at a loss as to what i can do to actually make a difference in my situation that i am (foolishly?) writing to news sources to try to get my voice heard, my story told, my circumstances noticed – by someone, anyone – please.

Huffington Post asked, “Have You Been Offered a Loan Modification?”  apparently statistics are showing that more and more people are turning down loan modifications [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/08/mortgage-loan-modificatio_n_314697.html].  it is the consensus that people are losing hope.

this is my response; the latest installment in my ongoing housing saga:

Offered loan modification? Not yet. And don’t know if I’ll ever get there. According to a lawyer I spoke with who has dealt with my mortgage company, First Franklin, it doesn’t sound like I ever will. Given the formula for qualifying for modification through the Making Homes Affordable Program, my hardships will actually hurt my chances of getting approved. By their numbers I do not fall within the 31% loan to income ratios-  even if they reduce my interest rate to 2% and lengthen the terms of my loan to 40 years. If I could show more income that ratio would shift. Since Oregon’s unemployment rate is 11.5% I can try to get a second job, but have no idea how long that might take. I have a friend who wants to move in with me to help, but when I talked with one of First Franklin’s phone hounds, they told me they would have had to be living in my home for more than two years and I would have had to report it on my tax returns by way of filing a Schedule E. The company that got me into this loan by fixing numbers to magically appear as if I could afford the terms based on my “stated income”, now, all of a sudden, is stringently requiring traditional qualifying ratios. First Franklin, this lawyer says, is one of the more difficult to deal with and after several months of this process I would have to concur.

Moreover, when I went to a “Foreclosure Prevention Information Session” put on by Hacienda (http://www.haciendacdc.org/News/51/Details/), a HUD Certified Housing Counseling Agency, they said that as of recent reports only 10% of modifications are happening statewide through the Making Homes Affordable Program. – The numbers, either way, are beginning to work against me.

I also spoke to the lawyer about the rumored ‘options’ of  ‘Produce the Note’ or ‘Rescind Your Mortgage’ tactics.  For $500 I could send my original loan agreement into a company of former underwriters to go over it with a fine-toothed comb for obvious mistakes and find enough egregious errors  in violation of the Truth in Lending Act to rescind the original loan. I have heard that some homeowners are trying it by utilizing online legal templates, but when would a single, working mom find the time and further energy to pursue it that way? After the dinner dishes and homework are done? If I go through a lawyer, who at least would have a vested interest  in my case, I would then be responsible for following through on litigation against a multi-million dollar corporation with endless funds (from homeowner’s hard-earned dollars) and could wind up in a situation where a judge refuses to release my attorney’s retainer. This would push me  further into debt rather than out of the hole I’m already stuck in. The only way that would be a viable option for me would be to find a lawyer to work for free. I don’t know of any – do you?

- So are people giving up? I could certainly see why given all of the obstacles and hurdles it takes to get an idea of what your true options are. Because both the lawyer and the counseling agency said that no one – not them, not the creditors, not the government – really knows how to navigate this process successfully.

It’s a giant crap shoot and I personally feel like I am wasting valuable time. If I put my house on the market today I might actually be able to sell it for an amount that pays off both my first and second mortgage on the house. If I wait until the next 4 weeks when first Franklin says they’ll know for certain whether I qualify or not (‘for certain’ after initially telling me it would take 7 – 10 business days for certain – and that was the 1st of October and I re-inquired on the 16th when they “informed me” of this new delay) then it’ll be the coldest part of Portland’s year that I will be trying to sell. NOT ideal. So what am I supposed to do? Hinge my hopes and home on a program that I won’t actually qualify for? Or forge forward to the inevitability of losing my home, but at least getting out of debt?

Kalliste E____

Sexy/Smart Single Mom, Struggling Homeowner

Portland,OR

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